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5 Things I Know About How Marriage Changes After Baby
Then comes Marriage.
Then comes a baby in a baby carriage.
Then come late nights, feedings, spit up all over you, and what seriously feels like NO time.
We don’t even mention that last one! The time period where you’re in a haze of trying to figure out how to transition from a family of two into a family of three, while not completely ignoring the two.
When a baby comes along, things change. Period.
Your world changes and along with that comes the dynamic shift of your relationship as well.
So, what happens to your relationship when a baby comes along?
It is pretty common knowledge, if you sit and talk to anyone or watch TV for any period of time, that after you have a baby your life changes. But so does your relationship with your spouse! It will never be the same and while that can be a really scary thought, it also can be really fantastic. Change doesn’t have to be bad and sometimes it can be that relationship change that makes us even stronger together.
Try to take down those expectations of things going back to normal. There is a new normal and while it can be very frustrating, it can be beautiful as well.
It is normal. You will ebb and flow as parents and your relationship together will now do the same.
One minute you’re going to look at your partner changing a diaper and want to jump them… The next minute you’ll want to scream because they can’t “hear” the baby crying and haven’t gotten up to get them in the middle of the night.
Push and pull, ebb and flow… It is natural and normal.
This one can be the hardest because even the strongest couples don’t expect the shift to baby talk after years of only being there for each other.
Take some time each day to really talk, not just about the baby; About how the other person is doing as a person. How was their actual day? How are they feeling? Is there anything you can do to help?
It doesn’t have to be an out of the house date night, even just take a shower and sit on the couch and do that little thing I said in #3!
You’re going to have to make time to touch one another…
Bow chicka bow wow…
But seriously, it doesn’t even have to be sex. The time really won’t make itself for even a kiss anymore and sometimes you just won’t want to be touched at all (which is fine), but touch is important for connection.
Try to make some time for each other because it won’t just happen anymore.
Your Patience is going to be seriously put to the test and while everyone is telling you what a blessing you have created, you may be at your wits end and your relationship will be the last thing on your mind.
You will need patience to keep it together. There will be times where you just want some space, but your partner wants some attention; It used to be easy… it’s not that easy anymore.
Things will ease up. You will find your groove.
Hire a postpartum doula to come and help take care of the baby so you can refresh yourself and feel human again (at least enough to be touched).
Get a trusted family member to come over and watch the baby for even an hour so you and your spouse can go for a walk.
Go to counseling. I’m going to say it again: Go to counseling. There is nothing wrong at all with getting some professional help. Even if you feel like things are going fantastic, everyone can benefit from some outside advice on the transition and keeping your relationship strong.
It isn’t easy.
But you love them. They know it. And even on the darkest days, you know it too.
And while a baby means your relationship is going to change, it doesn’t mean it has to go by the wayside.
We are doulas living in Miami with a love for cafecito, pregnancy and newborns. We are the experts and the moms who have been there sharing our best tips and tricks with a side of inspiration. Our goal? Help you kick ass at this parenting gig.
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